I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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