Already got asked if we're dating
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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