he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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