i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
