Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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