at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
