Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
