i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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