mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
