Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
