i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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