I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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