Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
