do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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