Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
