ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
