i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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