idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Two words: blizzard sex
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
