This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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