you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
