apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
