Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
