I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
