The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
