I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize