I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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