I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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