he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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