thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
