you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
