just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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