He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
