I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
