The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
