Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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