Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
