Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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