Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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