They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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