i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
