im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
