brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
