I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
