He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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