Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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