apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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