Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
