I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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