i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
True college students do jello shots in the library
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
