Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
