Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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