can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Small penises have feelings too.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
