I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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