That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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