shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize