Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
