you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
