My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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