girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
