Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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