Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
