Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
