I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
