R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
