The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
