could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
