Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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