Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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