i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
...so i touched it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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