remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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