Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
