My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
