i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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