you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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