I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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