the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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