So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
