DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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